bitches brew


how do you stop the feeling of terror and impending doom from marring every blessing you’ve received in the past several months? how do ignore the fact that you wake up gasping for breath in the middle of the night, even in your love’s arms? 

i want very much to be able to do this without meds but oh my god it only gets worse

i want you to have this
i made curry and enchiladas and shook my butt at my boyfriend

I wish I could be the type of person to lose themselves in anything. That feeling of submersion, total relinquishment of self, is something I’ll never enjoy. It only reminds me of being 5 years old at the lake, nearly drowning as I screamed and reached for my father. It only tastes like metal and chlorine.


life is easy, son. it’s just like riding a bike that’s on fire and you’re on fire and everything is on fire and you’re in hell

(via yayasleeps)

i’ve spent a lot of time enraged, flipping my hair, stomping my boots, and rolling my eyes at boys 

but i swear to god

i turn to mush when my boyfriend buys me cute lingerie he knows i will mostly enjoy wearing alone while getting stoned and watching bob’s burgers


i’m trying to work on my writing project but i’ve been too wrapped up in my New Job and now this New Apartment. i’m excited to paint walls and move in w my cat, i’m excited to go to weddings and save up for a car. i don’t want all of life to be: feel good about things but mess it up by thinking about what i’m supposed to be feeling/doing. something’s jammed: i worry life moves steadily toward stagnancy, i worry i don’t have anything to write about or any way to write that feels new and authentic, i worry i’ve felt every feeling there is to feel fully; except worrying. i was drunk on champagne the other night and it hit me like a wall: i am young cute & ambitious. i feel equal parts terror and thrill.